j****ment

i think judgement is a really key idea, and lots of bad stuff happens when there is no judgement.

i also think that it is a fundamental way to discern how things should be. those that proclaim that we shouldn't judge, are doing themselves a disservice (err, sp?) and make it difficult for themselves to get on with life.

to flesh this idea out, here's what would happen if we were not allowed to judge ever again:

1. i would start with not judging my own deeds, and give myself the capacity to do whatever i liked. there would be no introspection, and no room for sanctification.

2. i'd be prohibited from caring about what kind of friends i make, which means i'd be prey to abusive friends just because i'd be not allowed to be a good judge of character.

3. i'd find that the more extreme minorities of the earth that say, glorify murder, paedophilia, racism and all other shades of evil, i would have to just let them run rampant in my society without even a opinion on the moral backlash, because oh yeah, that involves judgement.

4.there'd be no such thing as criminals.

5.friends that you could have talked out of a bad idea, now have no other choice but to run with their bad desicions and go down in flames, because there'd be no discernment allowed between good or bad actions.

when God calls for people not to judge, it is because we go over the top for the most part in our judgements. but God wants us to judge, only, start with yourself first.

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

there are also times to acknowledge when you cannot judge, that is sure. that is why the command "do not judge" is there in the bible. for the judge-mental. i think it's in us to want to judge when it is not necessary, or healthy, like judging non christians for example - if a person is not a christian, what reason or motivation could they possibly have to seek a godly life? those that do not live a godly life while not being christians is not something to be judged, but is actually something to be expected.

"What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?"

it is a good idea to know who the supreme judge is in all situations, especially in the situations that are not up to us. we have to give up those fights to God, who will battle on our behalf. the bible allows God to judge when all is said and done.

"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord."

getting away with things scot-free doesn't exist because of God and that can be comforting to those who find the world to be a mass of injustice. however, it is also an affront to those who feel, in their own heart, that they have done nothing wrong. but hold on, doesn't that require some kind of self-judgement to come to the conclusion that 'you're alright, really' in the first place? what gave you the desire to evaluate whether you are good or not?? this underlines the idea that most people are actually quite okay with judging, so long as the judgement is one that doesn't step on our own toes. the closer we are to God, the less painful judgement becomes, especially judgement of ourselves, because the gap lessens between what we think of ourselves and what God thinks of us, and he allows us to slip more comfortably into his way of thinking. he never meant us to feel down about judgement.

"i have not come to condemn the world, but to save the world"

he meant it as a means to describe how much he loves us. when we put our trust in jesus for forgiveness of our sins, God judges us as if he were judging jesus, so he judges us innocent, and he judges jesus as if he were judging us, meaning Jesus becomes guilty for us.

not very many people love people that are consistently an irritant, annoyance or an enemy.

"while we were still sinners, Christ died for us"

his judgement is there as a persuasion to call out to him, a call to be saved, a call to be in his arms. a call to accept someone who has the greatest entitlement to judge, but is actually more willing to forgive, love, and bless instead.

charity vs charity

(disclaimer: i apologise in advance for the amount of times the c word appears in this blog entry!)

something that has cropped up within my time at barnardos a lot is the notion of charity (ohhh, that word), and what it means to be a charitable person. something i have noticed a lot about charity shops is that i am more indebted to those that walk into the shop to give their time away, rather than their money - i.e volunteers express a charitable heart more than most of the consumers in a charity shop do. after all, there are plenty of people looking to give their money to us with the proviso that they consider themselves to have found a real good bargain. i question whether that really is charity at all, as they are more interested in making themselves feel good in a superficial way, but nevertheless we need those kind of customers amongst all the other customers we get in the shop to make all the services in a charity run. with volunteers however, there are no provisos. sure, they can get a discount on the things that they find in the shop if they volunteer, but what they give to the shop is a much bigger investment.

"it's just like a magic penny

hold it tight and you won't have any

lend it, spend it and you will have so many

they'll roll all over the floor"

another thing that i have noticed within my work is the struggle in maintaining the right charitable identity. it seems there are two options - either Who you work for is your charity, regardless of who your customer is, or, the customer Is your charity, at the expense of flagging profit. err on one side and it is easy to forget that some people have no choice but to get their clothes from our shops because they would never have the money to go elsewhere. sometimes our clientele is the exactly the kind of people that the charity would need to champion and defend, and to insist on prices that aren't high, but just on the side of unaffordable to them, can be heartbreaking. on the other hand, allowing things to be priced as near to pocket money as possible to be in the customers good books puts the charity into trouble and it means that the services they seek to provide cannot be properly funded, and with the consequence of having to downsize the vision of the charity. you also have to factor that a charity, under the benefit of experience and gathered information, possibly has a better notion of how to use what they receive to help the poor, than, say, a poor customer would.

here's where these thoughts leap into the age old question of whether or not to give money to the homeless or to give it to a charity. in my work, the two ways of expressing being charitable meet and do not quite see eye to eye because it affects business practice, yet somewhere along the line they should meet nonetheless.

too many dougs

i had the weirdest dream the other day..

the dream starts with me eavesdropping on a conversation and here's how it went;

Guy1: Alright, whats your name?

-------- Guy 2:Doug, yours?

Doug!

-------- Both Doug!

Yeah Doug, strange eh?

-------- You bet Doug.

You'll never guess what Doug?

-------- I dunno Doug, what Doug?

They got Doug!

-------- Not Doug?

'The' Doug!

-------- Noo wayy.

-------- Doug me...

-------- How?

Y'see, someone Douged him in to the Doug

-------- Thats a bit Doug... so what did the Doug Doug?

Well Doug, the Doug came up to his Doug

broke the Doug down

and the place was Doug full of Dougs

-------- Doug deal then?

The Doug can't ignore that amount of Doug

they put him in Dougs straight away.

-------- Achh, he's Well Doug now.

Yeah Doug, Doug can't even bail him out

-------- Doug's got involved? This is more Doug than i thought...

this was all i could remember but you get the idea...

on drinking milk

"Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it."

I think sometimes, that because I have been a Christian for so long, that my enjoyment of living in Christ ends up consisting of things that are a bit weirder and harder to grasp. the problem is, what i want to be able to do is talk to my friends about jesus. if i make my joy and my understanding of jesus so convoluted from all the little pernickity things and patterns that a long time Christian looks for in the word, how can I then relate Jesus to those who aren't Christians and don't wish, for example, to know "how the sacrifice system of Mosaic Law is a foreshadowing of what jesus does on the cross", but wish to know the things that matter to them, like "what if i have done something bad?", "how can god allow x", "why does God not just show himself to me", "where is the evidence?" "this is bunk, why should murderers allowed to be forgiven?", the spiritual milk of the gospel that gives us what we need, that, perhaps, as Christians, we are speedy to leave behind in the dust as elementary and done. We prefer the 'food'. looking back at the milk, we can think "puh, i was a baby back then! ugh. why would i want to refer back to that point?! here, take this caviar instead". however, i think there's more than just our friends lives at stake when we don't address spiritual milk.

i realise that there are questions that my non christian friends give that i am, shamefully, loathe to answer, because i realise i have an answer that satisfies my heart in what i believe, but i remember the cost. i remember the stubbornness of my own heart, and knew that it took a very long time for me accept some theologies, and move on with God in joy and praise. For example, predestination, which can come as a stumbling block to both Christians and non Christians alike. It is not necessary to believe in predestination to be saved, and it can impair the growth of Christians and bury non christians just because it can be a question that never gets answered. i am at peace with the doctrine.. but i couldn't be concise in saying why, and would be uncomfortable dredging up how i got to the position of feeling okay with it, just because it didn't really happen overnight.

"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!"

however, I need to look back. i need to address those kinds of questions that keep non christians awake at night in fear and angst. also, i need to do it for my own sake, because i realise that i don't always follow God in the things i do say and think. i do not like that there is still some worldliness about me. that means every foundation and every structure of my beliefs, every wall, battlement, gate, barrier, all of it needs checking and testing to see if it is operational or if it is in need of repair. if i find something about God that i accepted once but don't actually follow, i should follow up why. if i check thoroughly, i might even find whole walls missing. i need to simplify my faith in God to just the working parts, before building can begin. no christian can say that they are finished with milk.

the jeers become fulfilled promises

Being mocked isn't usually something that people are able to take heart from, and its no surprise really. insults are personal. i've been reading matthew recently, and the main thing that struck me was to do with the words that were being hurled at jesus. here's a snippet of them:

Before Pilate -

"I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!"
All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!"

With the crown of thorns -

"Hail, king of the Jews!" they said.They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again

At the cross -

He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' " In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

These are snapshots of Jesus at severely humiliating points of his life. If we believe he is who he says he is, then an all mighty, all powerful, all loving God is at these moments being brought low and considered less than human, less than the ones he created.

Where, if anywhere, is the encouragement in this? In the insults.. it seems like every word targeted to bring harm to Jesus becomes a promise that God fulfils in the end.

"Let his blood be on us and his children!" - Done! Jesus sacrificed himself and shed his innocent blood, so that by his blood, the wrath against us for our rebellion against God is appeased, and met in the punishment that Jesus took instead. Because Jesus' blood is on us and the generations to come, we have a hope that goes beyond our own efforts. By his blood we our saved. By this insult becoming true, we are given life.

"Hail, king of the Jews!" - Indeed, and yet even more so. The father esteems his son so highly for such an obedient sacrifice given, that he established Jesus to be none other than King of not just the Jews but King of all Kings, Lord of Lords, ruler of the earth. Jesus who was brought low has been lifted to the highest place as a result, for God is pleased to have his love for his creation shown in the most powerful way it could ever be done - and as Jesus accomplished this for his father, Jesus is given the glory he deserves. This insult is the recompense for all the insults. It shows what he will inherit, and what, as co-heirs with Christ, we will inherit with him.

He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' "

- on the third day. Another classic element of people second guessing the timing of God. Let it be a couple of days so that there's no shadow of a doubt that Jesus was stone cold dead. Let a massive stone be on the front on his tomb so that it'd be difficult to enter full stop. Let all sin be dealt with first, in putting all that was sinful in us onto Jesus, so all that is Jesus in his righteousness can be given to us in exchange. Let the people who jeer believe that they were right, let them feel like they have done the right thing in bringing a revolutionary madman to death, after all, if he were the son of God, the cross would be easy work for him. Let them sleep in their beds convinced.

But he rose again. "Let there be light."

This insult fulfilled is the crowning achievement of God. It is the victory dance over sin and death. It is the hope of many.

the appeal of drugs

having taken no drugs whatsoever in all my life, i probably am not the most qualified person to talk about drugs. but funnily enough, there have been days, today being one, where i get tempted by the idea. where does the appeal from from?

for me, i think i relate the idea of drugs as being a means to go from your initial state (a) to another state (b).

why would that be helpful?

the want usually comes from an unhappiness with where you are now. getting to state b isn't necessarily a better one intrinsically, only, the reason why it is preferable is because the state a Must be escaped at any costs - if state a can be avoided, then it must be avoided, the heart says.

things other can drugs do this.

escape into a good book
escape into your headphones
escape into a computer game world

drugs is not the definitive means to get to a different state of affairs than the one you're in. the funny thing is, the escape is short lived. and here the lie becomes less potent. the promise is escape. no-one while tempted to get off their face will hear from their tempter about the morning after. no-one hears, or remembers, that the escape isn't actually an escape at all, rather, a temporary glitch in the programming of normal life.

the appeal of drugs is interesting. it never suggests that state a itself is open to change while still being state a. it never says that we have available the means to happiness in all circumstances, that state a can be the place we live in and yet be satisfied. i believe that real life has a beauty and a potency of its own that i am meant to discover.

so, since there is no real escape, there is no call to be hoodwinked by things that look like escapes. only, to seek out the beauty in what is already here.

fools

christians have pastor jerry and his qu'ran burning tendencies, the gay community get george michael and his driving and crashing of cars under cannabis, the music scene has lady gaga wearing oufits that look like they're made of meat, today's youth who wish to showcase their talents get... justin bieber instead, islam gets al-qaeda who give the loudest (but not islam's desired) say as to what following their god means, footballers get john terry and the handshake (or lack thereof), politicians get the opportunity to harbour racism as a policy through bnp and ukip.

so, there's no people group exempt from fools.

thankfully, god isn't out there to point the finger, but to save us from ourselves. in the character of jesus, he puts himself in the position of being the fool, even accepting the mockery that was never due his name.

"Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, "You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!"

In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. "He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' "In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him."

new pop

this isn't earth shattering news or anything, but i had a vocal melody line in my head today. I was in the middle of trying to figure out where it came from, when i realised that it had two sources!

so, if you hear

Lady Gaga's "just dance"

and

U2's "sunday bloody sunday"

you'll find the first line on the vocal melody is the same! so much for gaga bringing fresh ingenuity into pop. countless christian bands are lambasted (mainly by my dad) for being exact U2 sound-a-likes, which I guess must also grate on the countless christians who don't like U2, want christianity to be represented as being accessible to their own generation, and would like to see perhaps their own preferred genres represented to the glory of god (and well!)
but with this fresh discovery i think mainstream pop is in just as much danger of sinking into tedium. i guess its part of the definition of mainstream, the idea of needing to appeal to most people, that it Has to ignore the many obscure minorities.. but mainstream music has also changed a lot within the past decade or so. U2 have not though, so if we base things on these sounds then music as an ever adapting medium loses it's momentum.

(as it happens, i do like U2. as a lover of music foremost though, i'd say that other bands have used them as their influences to the point of exhaustion and mediocrity, and the scene needs to move.)

myspace

wow reading festival is more audible from here than i thought. guess i'll be a awake for a bit so i may as well blog about something.

ahh myspace.. what was once a whirlijig of activity, is now only an embarrassing byword, if it weren't for their music pages still holding some dominance in the music scene (which is an impressive feat to still hold). for what it was worth (which isn't all that much anymore), i quite liked the customisation element of the site, though on most occasions people took it tooooo far. i think i just liked that you could embed flash onto it because i used to like annoying people with it.


myspace seems to be in a time bubble of its own - i logged into it after being reminded about it yesterday, and similar to the childhood toys and games that get left behind, it gives an eerie snapshot of what i was like all those years back.

cold, apparently!

ye wha?

i must admit, i laughed when i first saw this pairing as a facebook recommendation.

a useful intrusion

google street view has caused quite a bit of controversy since its inception, what with people not wishing to have a picture taken of where they live, and the need for blotting out faces, mainly for making embarrassing photo captures anonymous. that said, i found a really good use for it today.

i was going to send a letter, but the number of the house completely evaded me. its funny because i could picture the house in my mind, and even know what the next door's house looks like by and large, but the number? well, heck no. however! street view allows me to see the house as i remember it, but with the number marked somewhere nearby. good-o!

i'm still disappointed that they didn't catch my cat bumbling about outside, when the google vans trundled past my home home.

phil 3:15-21, eph 4:21-24

a blank verse i wrote about the gradual sanctifying work of god in people, and the idea that it's not always recognised straight away, until old ways of life are, by grace, made alien and distant.



some things are like a glove
you can observe that it used to fit a lot better
years and years ago
but something is different
and now
what used to fit so perfectly now seems
not quite right
out of shape and
it cannot be pinned down, only it is just
wrong somehow because it never used to be
this uncomfortable and yet
you don't remember changing but
the glove sure hasn't changed



so
something must have happened

making waves

jesus holds on to the father. christians are called to hold on to jesus.

at the cross, the father poured out his anger out on jesus, so for jesus, there was a sense of abandonment and estrangement from the father. jesus felt far from him. he was left to die. the tension is high but the bond between father and son is not completely broken. it is like a spring being stretched from one end, just to its elastic limit.

in raising jesus from the dead, the father draws jesus near again, as close as he could ever be, "at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet." - like a spring being released from its tension to snap back to the other end.

for christians who hold on to jesus, sometimes we find that we miss the way, and go our own way, we decide to leave the presence of the lord. we try to detach our faith in jesus, but it is like a spring being pulled at one end, and Gods love is too big to be escaped from by any conventional means.

""I will plant Israel in their own land, never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them," says the LORD your God."

the further we pull away, the more it is apparent that the tension is there, and a longing comes to run back, to release the tension made by us like tension made by pulling a spring. a wish is there, for it to be as it once was, near to jesus.

gods love is strong. it is not that we need to keep on proving that it is, in running away, so that we can feel the strength of it coming back. if it is like a spring then the strength is always there, it is always in the potential energy resting in the spring.

i know we will at times all need to come before the throne of grace, but for besetting sin; why should we need to continually test his tension, when there is a much more enjoyable way to be in a relationship with god - much more enjoyable than tensing a spring. we can be near him, and enjoy (even if we only see in part now) the way we shall be with him for eternity.

relationship

i've been thinking about how jesus is able to relate to us. it seems to me that there is a lot to be said about his living days that tell that he went through the things that we have been through. the wandering in the desert for 40 days is an excellent reminder of that he was

"tempted in every way, but was without sin"

However, I imagine that would leave people wondering. Jesus never needed to repent, or ask forgiveness from God, because he never sinned. Does that mean that he is unable to relate with sinners?

I think he definitely does relate with sinners.

Take the cross. There, the sinless one knew what it was like to feel shame, to feel guilty, even to feel sinful, before the father. In carrying all the sins of the world on our behalf, he knows the bitter aftertaste it leaves. He knows the situations that have come about to make all this stuff be pinned onto him. He knows what it is like to be seperated and abandoned by the Father;

"my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?"

He can relate then to the sinner. if anyone has a hang up as to why christians have to bang on about it being a relationship, and why do they have to use such cheese laced terminology, well - the language used came at great personal cost to jesus, willingly, to be able to say that He Relates.

trinitarian love

i got reminded of something the other day on jarvino's blog, about the love the trinity have for each other before the world was formed - and how there are aspects of God's character that can't be expressed when a world like ours isn't created.

"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us"

in just the trinity, nothing is lacking, so nothing needs to be forgiven. there are no enemies.

that means God cannot express his capacity to be able to love his enemies, even the willingness to include those not worthy into the trinitarian love.

in creating the world, God is able to 'demonstrate his love for us'. us? well, us who were sinners. he is able to enact all the parts of his forgiving, merciful personality that was simply not neccesary to do within the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. the world creation allows him a bit of give to say 'this is what i can do' to those who never knew - not that he needed to prove his goodness before the world was made... but don't we live in the good of a god who is like this, would i want it to be unknown? not really =)

mercedes benz

this thought's been in my list of funny things to think about for a while, it's to do with prayer (haha, again!)

so there's an advert that goes a little something like this -



it got me thinking about motives, and prayer as an aid to revealing your own heart attitude (which this prayer does in droves!)

so on with the joke scrutiny..

O Lord, won't you buy me a mercedes Benz

My friends all drive Porsches
if you buy me a mercedes benz, you can justify in me all this jealousy and envy that i'm having

I must make amends
really, only this life matters, so as long as you give me the appearance of looking sorted in this life, and aid me in making an idol of it, i'll consider my prayer answered

I've worked hard all my lifetime
my finest efforts are filthy rags, but it's all ive got to brag about because i don't want to acknowledge the sinfulness of my sin. pfff, mercy. why would anyone need mercy on me to give me blessing?

With no help from my friends
i live life self-sufficiently, i don't actually need anything from anyone. heck, why am i praying to you for? you're cramping my independent style.

So Lord, won't you buy me, a Mercedes Benz



So I guess, the prayer draws a lot from the basis of that the person who prays it deserves what they're asking for. In reality no-one can come before the throne of God knowing that they deserve anything. It's allllll mercy. There's bartering to be had in prayer sometimes, like with Abraham, when he tested God's mercy to see if he was willing to spare the smallest amount of people from Sodom's destruction - but that in part was to do with God sharpening Abraham's faith, in being adventurous as to what he can expect God to do. it was necessary for God to bring Abraham into a position where he could find out just how much can he dare to trust God - and the request being answered gave glory to God, in broadcasting to the world his willingness to save mere individuals.

On the other hand, the mercedes benz prayer just gives the not-so-desired effect of making the person look ugly, and if it were answered, the person is now given even more provision for sin. much like in the way the law highlights aspects of sin in our lives (as sean was preaching on only a couple of weeks ago), so do our words, even our words to God.

Whats very interesting, is that the actual request, aside from all the motivations and reasons for it, isn't inherently an evil one.
O Lord, won't you buy me a mercedes Benz
still has the capacity to be a prayer that God is willing to answer, given some circumstances (in theory. blowed if i can think of a practical example of a mercedes benz appearing on my doorstep as a means to give glory to god!).

so one starving man might pray for provision, and why wouldn't they? god wishes to lift up those who are unable to lift themselves up. another man, disillusioned with a materialistic society might pray for blight and suffering to allow the more priveliged to undergo trials, that their faith may be refined or some cases newly discovered. so, the things that each ask for, though counter to each other, have situations and backdrops for why it would be in God's heart to answer both.

so, theres a place for a mercedes benz for someone out there. not me though, i can't drive for starters!

metal

it's kinda described as something that doesn't quite fit in with christianity - i beg to differ. all of the metal artists that lean on bible verses as their inspiration are actually the people that unwittingly hit the mark - in terms of the reason those scriptures being there is so that you can be honest and in some cases, brutal, to God, about the near unbearable things about life. celtic frost for example, as they lament "my god my god, why have you forsaken me?"

it is fitting that for most people metal is unbearable to listen to, since the subject matter that it often chooses to face is equally as unbearable, yet for the cross we must face these things, for he faced ugliness. we can't accept god's love and forgivesness without believing that he died a gruesome and torturous death for our sakes, and that through suffering he chose to epitomise his ministry of reconciliation to us.

i haven't listened to metal for a long time - but i think thats mainly because being in a band that plays it tends to make you rebel against the genre that you try to stand for - made me hate it so to speak. itll be different to the reason why most people decide to turn their face away from metal. but the negative side of life exists. and the emotions that are manifest in it are sometimes dormant in us - and it doesnt necessarily mean sinful hate. who turned he tables? who, in non passive terms, told the storm to shut the hell up? what man gave a lament to the unfaithfulness of the generation that he was surrounded by? who called his own disciple by the name of the devil, in abhorrence of what he was saying? who cast seven woes upon the pharisees? a god of love did all this. hate itself is not evil. the command is made to "hate What is evil" - so that our love is pure, that there may be no fear in love.
i hate the t-shirts that talk of marriage as 'game over'. am i sinning? absolutely not. there are personalities that we have, that aren't meant to suddenly disappear just because we are christians. it is a lie to think that as christians we are to be consistently and unswervingly happy about everything all of the time, and if not then we're 'being naughty'. tosh! any anger i have, i can channel towards what is evil and unjust. if i have to be clingy, then i can cling to 'what is good'. if we are of the boasting kind, then we are given jesus christ to boast in. if, as peter was, we are violent, then we can be violent in the way we choose to cut off sin in our lives. if we are pedantic, then the letter of the law allows us to be conscious of sin - which is no bad thing to be conscious of, since it is the beginning of the end of slavery. the emotions that we are inbuilt with are not incompatible with God and his plans, no matter how wayward they seem. i believe the ultimate intention of all the personality that we possess is that through our uniqueness we each can demonstrate a facet of God. jesus is able to demonstrate all of these facets, but i am glad to be given the gift of grace to display any at all.

world cup

as it is now firmly upon us, i decided to do to some swotting up of who's who in the national teams, but i got mucho distracted by funny names. here are some;

funny teams-

JEF United Ichihara (JPN)
Atletico Colon (ARG)

people names-

Mario EGGIMANN
Rafael VAN DER VAART (what makes this even better is that the dutch pronounce their v's as f's!!)
Martin SKRTEL (i hope he's not in a squad with another SKRTEL... but if so, he might need to change his name to WARTRTL.)

compassion

as far as i can tell, i think compassion is a gut reaction to do something out of love.

something caught my eye as i was reading matthew 23 in regards to this.

so, this is what Jesus has to say about the Pharisees;

"They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them"

gotta love a bit of expository bible =)
as i saw this, i thought to myself 'wow', thats a bit harsh on the pharisees. without fail Jesus is able to outanswer or outquestion whenever he gets questioned by a Pharisee, but here, without looking first for a question from them (in fact, it looks like the Ph's themselves aren't even present!), he goes straight for the jugular and gives them a piece of his mind, of God's mind. Jesus has sympathy for their utter bondage to their ways, knowing once that these were from a generation of people that looked to follow His Father, but are lost in what they have created for themselves. but, no sympathy is spared for the ways themselves, that lead others astray along with them.

so, to start with, think about what kind of teachers the Pharisees would have made. follow them, and you follow rules, rules you that can't possibly keep all of - a destiny doomed to failure. to carry on trying is drudgery, for every blemish is a mark of how much you cannot win. and would you receive help from these teachers? in short, no. confessing to particular breaches of the law will even find yourself at risk of your own life. truth be told, even if the Pharisees were desirous in lifting us of our burdens, they would find themselves vastly unequipped to do so.

unfortunately, there are many within Christian circles who will live out their faith in God feeling like this, under the oppression of a faith that seemingly gives no hope, only reproach, and set automatically to pick on all their faults. its a an easy lie to believe, ill admit to being duped by it more than a couple of times in my lifetime.

however, the good news is that we do not follow Pharisees, who are "not willing to lift a finger" to relieve burdens.
no, we follow Jesus, the champion of compassion - love that springs into action. Jesus, one of holiness, and so equipped to be a sacrifice for us. so lets view the matthew 23 verse differently, by replacing the pharisees with Jesus, as our Teacher and see what He does for us;

"He ties up heavy loads and puts them on His own shoulders, that we may fly on the wings of eagles."

Jesus had every right to expose the shallow behaviour of the Pharisees, knowing that soon he would give up his own life for us, and in doing so, give everyone a bit of a wake up call as to what real love looks like.

It hit home to me once again that what was done on the cross is a fixed event in time and so cannot be undone, that it was "the will of the Lord to bruise him". if, as Christians we feel burdened, then we are harbouring something that Jesus has already died for - these burdens are not for us to hold and lug around anymore. as with our lives, they belong to Him.

it is folly to think that any sadness is worth keeping, just for the sake of that it remains ours to bear. letting go of our own burdens and giving them to him is putting what we cannot bear, onto the back of one who can not only bear but conquer, therefore allowing life in its fullness to dwell in us.

He has given his back over to be broken by the shame and guilt of the multitudes - that our brokenness will one day be made new, just as Christ was made alive again in resurrection -- a cause for celebration if ever i saw one!

statistically speaking, its the safest way to travel

ive been enjoying stats, but not the kind i should be revising. alas, more parkrun racing stats :p

it gives a good idea of how well you progress (or not, in my case) as time goes on in your battle against the 5k. i've yet to beat my first run of 20mins 17 seconds. one day i hope to make a sub 20 entry. perhaps by that time ill have my "congratulations for running 50 parkruns" t-shirt as well!

talk is not always cheap

Things that people say have the capability of being remembered well beyond their years, via gods mercy. I remember hearing these when I was 16.

"are you the kind of person that, when you wake up in the morning, say 'Good morning Lord', or 'Good Lord it's morning'?"

"usually its the people that think that they are crazy that are the most sane, and those who think that nothing is wrong are deluding themselves."

who moved my cheese?

give me something new, and its likely that ill say "the old one was way better" or "theres no need for this" or something along those lines. recently i got a new phone off my cousin. ive been having a embarrassing time of 'learning how to use a phone' - since i had my older one for a very long amount of time! however the upshot is im not yet fed up of the gimmicky extras yet, one being that i can now take pictures, albeit at a not so fantastic quality. but its been great to see things as i walk past, have a chuckle about, and now be able to take a picture of to remember it by!

heres whats been making me smile of late;

my suspiciously gun-shaped case at reading station



graffiti above the irresistable mr cod says "Resistance is Not futile"

thruxton racecourse - motorsport watching way overdue! I remember being a fan of f1 and other motorsports since I was 9 years old. I havent watched much in the last four or so years but going to see the btcc races and formula renault rekindled my interest!

"so yeah ill swap you my shiny charizard for your japanese eevee with the plastic sleeve"

...and a social club. not very limited then :p


A picture at my granddad's house. Im not sure if he took the photo or not, he was well into his professional photography when he was younger.


so maybe, new things aren't so bad after all. in five weeks or so, ill have a new set of circumstances, uni will be finished, and what Reading will have in store for me this year starts to unravel. bring it!

neighing

whats there not to like about a random horse noise in the middle of a song? click the picture to find out what i mean.

christian books

sigh...! ive got a fair few that look really good, and i havent even read them yet. so usually whenever i see new ones, or ones that tell you in no uncertain terms "OI, You, buy this or else, 'cause its good" i pass them by becuase i should be looking at the ones ive got.


but the cover and the premise of this book really interests me =)

boiling coke is weird

i got recommended by a cookbook to simmer gammon in coke before roasting it. apparently this is to help it taste less mouth-droppingly salty..so i tried it out! im not convinced yet, but it might work well in conjuction with something cool but flavourless like in a salad.

as an aside,
it's well difficult to tell the difference between coke simmering or boiling because it's carbonated, and you get froth and bubbles reaching the surface whatever happens. just an odd experience all round..!

(proof omitted)

a couple of weeks ago, Josh posted a blog relating God in the lovely language of mathematics. as its my degree, ive had some thoughts on the idea recently. this thought comes with the disclaimer of potentially nasty looking maths jargon... you have been warned =)

okay.

the bulk of maths works like this; we have axioms, that is, obvservations about the way a branch of maths works - on a very basic level. We just assume they are true because often it just makes logical sense that they do. Then, people make new ideas, or 'propositions'. Then these people use the axiom, the given true thing, to explain how they got to their proposition - the explanation being the 'proof'. After that, you can make more propositions, where the proofs can be based not just on the axiom, but on all the other previous propositions that have been made before it. So you get a tirade of propositions, proofs, more propositions, more proofs etc until you have the maths we know and (err-hem) like today.

but the good thing about this is, is that if the beginning puzzle piece of maths, the axioms, is invalid - then everything else that follows it is brought into dispute and all the theories and proposition made dont count for anything, because the base is shaky. The axioms themselves, for the most part, are never proved, because theyre 'just a given'. So from the start, mathematics is very much a matter of faith.

What I find interesting is the way that people talk about God. Ive heard a couple of my non-christian friends lament the 'lack of proof'. They would like to believe the things I believe, and they could see they would find it to be a refuge and very helpful, but as far as they can see, theres been no proof shown to them that God's out there. Its funny that people think then, of God as a "proposition", where proof would need to be made of God's existence, and principally thered have to be something before God to base the proofs upon!

"id give everything i have, for something i dont have to prove" - john ellis

"he is before all things, and in him all things hold together." - colossians 1-17

"This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how" - mark 4-26-27


We're making it difficult for ourselves if we approach the idea of God as 'something to be proved'. It is much easier to consider God as an axiom, just a given, whereupon looking at it, we are convinced (but never proved) that it is true. Axioms, if they ever had a voice would say "believe in me, and all the other mathematics holds together. Look what the capabilities are for when you accept me. why, maths would be nonsense and chaos if it didnt have me!" These claims are wonderfully similar to Jesus's claims to be the son of God, that im happy enough to say, in regards to him, i am convinced, and the proof is omitted =)

randomly kept awake

in keeping with sleep related blog entries, i had a thought that refused to let me sleep until it was fully fledged! and then i went to bed. but, here it is after some fresh sleep.

i dont know why, but it was about the "random shuffle" feature on most media players, on pc's, on mp3 players, whatever. i like using random on media players quite a lot.

my opinion is, i don't really trust it to be all that random. what do i mean? well ok, theres some artists that take up a disproportionately large amount of space on my media library in comparison to others (switchfoot take up 67 tracks all by themselves, relient k 59), and there are other artists where i have just one or two of their songs (like public enemy - bring the noiiiiise). furthermore, theres some artists where one album may take up about 20 tracks (manu chao's esperanza), and ep's that might be made up of just 5 or 6 (iron & wine's woman king). so what happens when the whole library is played on random? i mostly get to hear the artists or albums that have the most tracks - because of their sheer numbers, they have a higher probability of being chosen at random. that means i barely get to hear the little one-offs at all, or bands that have small albums. hearing the same thing? not very random in my eyes, even if the means of generating it is strictly 'random'.

i thought it'd be cool if media players made up a function where it takes a list of all the artists in the library (no repetitions), and randomises that list - then probability of an arist being repeated is considerably less, and not dependent on how many songs of theirs are in the library. then once the artists are randomised, and the time's come to play a song of theirs, the next tier would be to pick a song of that artist at random.

so, in summary, a two step randomisation, choosing;-

-an artist at random from a list of all artists (no repetitions)
-a song at random from the random artist


from this, i imagine youd get to hear all those strange songs that you thought youd forgot or deleted but hey they just werent chosen on random before.

pants, i never said Your Majesty

i had a dream last night that ive only just remembered!

i dreamt that i happened to see The Queen, and had a conversation with her. the problem was that i didnt know what proper protocol to use when addressing the queen, so the only thing i said in response to her couple of questions was "yes". be that as it may, i still felt the conversation went well, and afterwards i had it in mind to shoot my mouth off to everyone that i knew, that i had exchanged words with none other than HRH Queen Elizabeth II.

thats all i remember. i dont know if i ever did manage to tell the whole world. or if i got run over by a car before i was able to, or the queen told everyone on facebook first and beat me to it. who knows.

getting what you wish for

Sometimes when praying for something to happen, I have a picture in my mind as to what a positive response from God would look like. So much so, that when it doesnt look like he gives my 'model answer' to prayer, I wrongly assume God never answered at all. However, I have to remember that his ways are not my ways. I am not praying to some version of me, so predictable that I could read his responses like a book, but I pray to God. Knowable, but mysterious. 'God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.'

Its possible that I stare answers to prayer in the face every day, and never acknowledge them as his answers. If for every cry of "lord, im on my own again" brings about conversation with scores of people I wish to avoid with all my heart, then it looks like I pray the wrong prayer, and have the wrong heart. Why should God please me in letting me relate to people, if in relating to people, Gods glory and his personality is not being shown?

So, be careful what you pray for. It cannot be assumed that you are just filling empty spaces with words - God willing, they can be a means to effect in this world. Gods answers to prayers have the potential to humiliate you, but they always lead us back to Him, the inventor of all things good.

calendar

so, things to look forward to...

Friday 5th March - back on them drum contraptions
Sunday 21st March - Reading half marathon (mann, i need to train for that!)
Sunday 4th April - British Touring Car Championship race in Thruxton!!
April - Susanna likely coming back to England
Early June - end of exams, end of maths (educationally)
End of June - new era of house (more than likely, a bigger room!)
TBC - Jesus coming again!

man, i cant wait.

what have you been doing lately?

well, theres lots of cool new stuff happening in reading family church. a new meeting really ups the ante for everyone involved. i almost fell asleep in the evening meeting though. even in the midst of drumming for the worship, i sensed i wasnt aware of what i was doing! looking back a year ago, im glad i made a decision to get stuck in to this church. its definitely taught me a lot. its worth the exchange of not being independent - a maverick kind of christianity never did let me be a part of something that will last forever, and it also means ill be less prone to making stupid mistakes with no point of reference.

ive been running a lot lately too. and with the reading half marathon coming up all too soon, theres lots of runners about! ive been doing the 5km parkrun quite a bit, but sadly my time is getting worse. in fact, last week was the worst time, a full 2 minutes away from my personal best! i hope that is because im gearing myself for slower miles whens theres 13 of 'em. And i am heartily enjoying the extra amount of food that it takes to fuel all these runs =)

and maths? well, im glad to have done the course, but theres a lot of ignorance to plead on my part. i just hope that these years will count towards something. ive often said that id be happy to do any old job thatll let me stay in reading. but i would love to be able to use some of the cool maths ive heard about - i just know those jobs are often so lucrative and 2.1 centric that they are beyond my reach. there are a few that don't demand this as much, but they are competitive to get. im well aware how much i dont like job hunting, as college days will testify, and i think through Gods help theres some old fears i know ill be facing.

expect change, expect sanctification

salvation isnt just for heaven. being changed from a sinner to being christ-like isnt reserved to only taking place in eternity.

those who have been set free by the gospel of jesus can expect to bear the hallmarks of a changed life, now.

so, i can't just expect things to stay the way they are. nor should i wish it.
cool hand luke once put it like this;
"i want to be transformed and stay the same, i want to be dry in the rain"

we cant have this the best of both worlds, because there is only one that is truly best.

Looking back, its easy to think of the things I left behind, things that I died to, maybe even just the other day, and pick up where I left off. To waste hours and hours on computer games, and play the stand-offish character in lectures and public life, shy away from christian hate debates, give up studying as soon as it gets too hard, look at things on the internet that speak of an instant pleasure, or to wish for oblivion in drink.

its easy because its the life Ive been used to living for so long, and every time I die to it, giving it to jesus, it comes back dressed up as an old friend. Jesus does not cooperate in sinful living - he has no part to play in this. So even from a mercenary point of view, im a fool if I do not make the most of what God is offering me. He is waiting for the opportunity for me to come to him and follow. So, how much do I want God's involvement in my life, or, better phrased, how much of my life do I want to be involved in God's?

If Jesus has granted me with new life, then I should look at his ways and his word with reverence, for they tell of what a life looks like when it follows Jesus. I find the bible says nothing of staying the same, but plenty about being transformed, "by the renewing of your mind through scriptures", by "taking every thought captive and surrendering it to Jesus", by "making no provision for sin", by knowing "a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly", by petitioning to "a high priest who has been tempted in every way, yet was without sin" when things look like they could go a step back, by seeking his "plans to give you a hope and a future" that have more depth and fruit than my own.

Through Jesus, I have a motivation for change And the means And a living example of a life totally given to God.

I can have sanctification working in me, if I want it. The holy spirit is given to us now as a deposit of things to come, so we can now express a deposit of the glorification that Jesus will acheive in us in the last days.

just like the loaves and the fish

that get passed around to starving citizens waiting for you,
with many baskets of leftovers at the end,

so also does your gospel act like food for starving souls,
and it does not return empty.

the tree of knowledge

blogs are like buses indeed.

I had a thought about the 'tree of the knowledge of good and evil' last night. In Genesis, God told Adam that he can eat from any of the other trees, but not of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, 'for you will surely die'. blimey.

So, knowledge isn't intrinsically bad. Actually it's very helpful. A woman from my church who has been in the Sudan region of Africa witnessed a man there who was suddenly struck dumb, unable to speak and articulate. Unfortunately, his family decided to bring in the local witch doctors to rid him of evil spirits, this was the default setting for dealing with a crisis of this nature. It wasn't until weeks later that the Christians in the area were able to convince them to take him to a hospital in Nairobi, to get an understanding of what was wrong, where they eventually found out that he had a brain haemorrage(sp?) which could be treated.

So knowledge is really good, there's no doubt about it. And for those that are wanting to find a scientific explanation for the way the world is, the way it came to be, from year dot to the present - I encourage you, do it! To quote Dawkins; "Science is interesting". Indeed!

There is a proviso, and this is why the command not to eat from the tree was there.

"Does the axe raise above him who swings it, or the saw boast against him who uses it?
As if a rod were to wield him who lifts it up, or a club brandish him who is not wood!"

Once you have found the reason behind the way things are, this does not mean to say that you have gained anything more than what God already knows. This isn't a discouragement to go looking, actually I think God means it for the praise of his glory, so that the intricacies behind science can enhance the magic so to speak, that we can be even more in awe of it all fitting together the way it does.

What we know (or dont know) could never put us on equal or better standing than God.

here is the lie the serpent weaved;
"For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God"
see how closely knit it is with 'your eyes will be opened' - in itself, that isn't the lie. They do take the fruit and a couple of verses later on it explains that 'the eyes of both of them were opened'. But, to make the lie enticing, it needed that phrase to explain how, to Adam and Eve, they can become 'like God'. Funnily enough, there is no mention of Adam and Eve becoming like God after they took the fruit to eat.

Even more funnily enough, being like God isn't totally out of the question. We are made in the image of God, broken images now, but we are and will be restored into a Christ-like existence.

Adam and Eve wanted this on their own terms, rejecting God's command, and in the business of instating themselves as Gods in their own right (i remember Nietzche's texts encouraging this). This is probably why the first commandment takes after the first sin, 'God is a jealous God, therefore you shall have no other Gods before me'.

In choosing to put our faith in Jesus as Lord, we can become like Christ, to reflect not our beauty and our knowledge, but show that it is his beauty and his knowledge!
If I were to make myself a God, every aspect of me would be turned over for people to worship - which is fatal because there are clearly things about me which are terrible and flawed - not worship material! But in God, we can look at every facet and remain satisfied that there is nothing rotten in him, that he stands up to scrutiny.

statistics and web addiction

take a look at this...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8493149.stm

"Although excessive internet use can't be said to cause mental health problems, if a web addict is substituting meaningful friendships and socialising with virtual contact on the internet, this might have an adverse affect on their mental wellbeing." - this i cant help but agree with.

However the article admits half way through that they dont know which is the response variable (symptom) and which one is the explanatory (cause) - (on a side note, i cant believe my stats module is actually appearing in stuff that i find interesting!)

With this in mind, Ive begun to see that the title of the article is very misleading. They could have just as easily written "Depression linked to internet addiction", but by having the article start off with the words 'internet addiction' first, it allows readers to associate it being the cause and not a symptom. not that i know which is which, but seeing as the article goes on to explain that theyre not sure, theyve added unremovable bias in the title itself...!

i will always

have the choice - to let God make a fool of me, or let sin make a fool of me.

And God, God is always in the business of convincing me of the former with grace, love and blessing. Of the latter, He endeavours to underline and highlight the repugnant as repugnant.

The enemy will continue to sell the lie;
'Fair is foul; Foul is fair',
but the Holy Spirit imparts strength and truth into weak cavities, enabling me to say of this lie;
'I don't buy it'.

im really enjoying my coding theory module

i did some maths for fun on it.

Morse Clhlde!

-based on Morse Code but plugging it back into an alphabet based structure

Use of dots and dashes

dots;

every odd numbered occurence of a dot in a letter = i
every even numbered occurence of a dot in a letter = j

similarly,

dashes;

odd numbers of dashes = l
even numbers of dots = h

so, taken from morse,

before next letter = p
before each word = n
before new sentence = fs

EXAMPLE

hello world

ijijpipiljipiljiplhlnilhplhlpiljiljiplij

my name is jethro

lhplihlnlipilplhpinijpijinilhlpiplpijijpiljplhl


Cons
each letter has only one corresponding set of letters, so not strictly polyalphabetic.
using a code to make a code - if someone guesses its morse theyre on to an instant winner
placeholders p, n, fs give breaks to look at closely

so the conclusion is, its very easy to crack.

Pros
it was a lot of fun to make :P

blimey.

i enjoyed my maths day today!! its not a first, but the number of times ive enjoyed a full day of maths probably is still in the single digits. Amazing!

im guessing its the mark of a good book

because i am reading a book where some of the characters in it annoy me so much i put the book down in rage - only to pick it up again 20 mins later...



ive noticed my housemate enjoys computer games when they take this form - he usually only bothers completing games when they make him swear at the telly, ones that resolutely get on his nerves enough for him to be....taunted by it! i think thats what im getting at. the completion is a way of enacting justice upon it - a salve for all the pains it takes you through.

i think thats what im aiming for in this book. i hope for either retribution, repentance, or some kind of different state of affairs to appear. so how? by finishing the blasted thing.

run out of noddy notes? here, take some real money.

this aint everybodys objection, but one reason why some people are atheists is because they enjoy doing the things they enjoy doing, and find God an affront to pleasure, a killjoy. for these people, attaching a faith attaches some kind of leech that drains the life out of.. life! even if it means being right orrr holy or some other sought-after virtue, it doesnt seem worth the exchange.

one of the reasons why i am a christian is because it constantly makes me aware that what god finds enjoyable goes far and beyond any of my attempts to be settled and happy in this world - his treasures run deeper than my worldly treasure. he actually ups the ante! my interests arent interesting enough to continue happily pursuing for the rest of my life - even if it was the only life i am warrant to have! so i concede this fact, knowing that he's got something better in store. even in this present time, something better.

epic run

i ran (well stop-start, but for the most part ran) an epic run of doom with stephen across the sussex downs countryside. the scenery was cracking. a lot of trees and bushes and grass has frost crystallised on to it in a fascinating iron filing kind of way, and where a cloud ventures too near the fields, the fields nestled them in, and the devils dyke was no exception. fantastic! heres a google map of the route we took -


said site had the route down as 9.3 miles. i think that takes off the chocs somewhat =)

free

being able to do what you want doesn't make you free
theres such a thing as a cage of liberality

no, being free,
it starts with having what you really need
and it ends with having what you really need