bad man

is it stupid to dread emails that will never come? sometimes i wonder if subconsciously i want them to come. the emails im thinking of are the kind where an explosion of hate and unhappiness occurs between someone and you, where previously you thought things were absolutely fine, if not dormant.

its almost as if i dont expect the world to be.....ok. sometimes i expect the world to throw me an angry email. or a raised fist - or a concealed dagger.

to write love on her arms

merry christmas everybody!!
the parents are sleeping and its only quarter to 4pm - in keeping with the tradition they set themselves last year without knowing it!!

seeing as ill likely forget, i must remember, when i put some money into the account that lets me buy these kind of things, to get this.


















'To write love on her arms' is something that ive heard about for a while and i think its a great idea. ive often thought that if there was any way to help people with depression and suicidal tendencies, then i'd like to be able to do it. Theres a guy i live with who is working with the samaritans who has just trained to be able to do that. in all likelihoods, i probably couldn't, because i'd put my foot in it and make things worse for those people (a la the picture)...

saying that, i count myself lucky - when i was a teen i did have low seasons where, had there been no intervention from God, i would have stayed in a bad place with no peace for the rest of my life. unfortunately, 'getting God' isn't a tangible enough voice for those who just dont want to hear God, yet are in these problems - but if we can show all that he stands for and see the results of that (like the aim of TWLOHA), then thats a way of helping people towards something that stands for peace, whether theyd want to admit the source of it or not. at the time id only admit it because God was the only thing that got me out of a depressed apathetic unemployed state - and nothing else but him worked! But more and more you come to appreciate that he is a rescuer, and more than that, you can respect him, and find him to be like a father, knowing that with him you are given a new status and a new identity. not worthless, but in Christ.

Funny though, that wasnt the first thing I thought I was going to write down! Thought I'd mention how this t-shirt's line is a lyric from the song "everything starts where it ends" by a band called lovedrug (sadly theyre unspotifyable!!) - I didnt realise theyd done this t-shirt, and I bloooooooooomin love this band. But the blog went on a rather jesusy twang instead, ahhhh well - its Christmas after all :)


Happy birthday j!

smells

i forgot how much of an urhghghghh-fest it is to replenish a cat litter tray, especially if it hasnt been done for ages. but, actually, i have a massive amount of respect for my cat for ever venturing to go in there. why? think of it in this way.

cats have approximately twice the sense of smell as humans. i consider cat litter to be one of the most extreme smells that a human nose is ever going to encounter - and cats, especially one as old and housebound as my chessie, would venture in and get the double the pungent dose, pretty much every day.

i often wonder the coincidence is tantamount to torture, that the things that involve cats smell so flipping much (cat food as well) and yet they have to bear with it more than i do.

in true south park moral-of-the-story style, "i think i learned something today."

what though?

"poo smells."

infinity

"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of the Lord stands forever."

i am Such a finite being. i chase after the finite, wishing that it were infinite. sometimes, under guilt of this, i underdefine the finite - thinking that it is nothing. but, we are not nothing - not in god's sight.
jesus did amazing things, taking the form of man under the judgement of sin that was not his - and gave meaning to finite existence. he gives the opportunity for people to follow him, to know a life dead to sin and resurrected to infinity. "life to the full" - what a phrase.

the lord knows mankind strive to live forever. isaac newton bent most of his thought on it - so much so, that the major discoveries that we associate with him now, gravity, calculus, optics, are mere side-projects, peripheral (in his eyes) to his quest in seeking successful alchemy. he never attained this dream.

and, he was a christian.

how straightforward is it to see the finite as our saviour, in comparison to being asked to trust in something we cannot grasp as our lasting hope,

but how glorious are the results now, let alone in heaven, in opting for the image of the invisible god.

"Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you"